What is wrong with my life?
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Posted 11 March 2012 - 04:05 AM
So. There's something on my mind right now, so I figured I'd share it with you guys.
Last night I was talking to my sister about her boyfriend, and how I've seen the sad look on his face when she completely locks down to any physical contact. He tries so hard to let her know how much he likes her, but she all but blows him off. I mean, I get guarding your heart, but really? She barely even holds his hand. Anyways, so she says, "This is why mom is worried about you with boys." So I'm like, What? She says, "You're just so open to everything. Physical contact isn't the only thing that keeps a relationship going."
Ok back up.
Aside from her COMPLETELY missing my point about the affection thing, Mom is worried about me and boys? This is what really got me, and it's been on my mind ever since. Does she really not know me and trust me well enough? So Mom, If by some stretch of the imagination you're reading this, listen up.
It utterly sickens me that you don't trust me well enough to know that my morals are strong enough to keep me away from what I know you're thinking of. It kills me to think that you don't know that my faith is one of the biggest parts of my life, and I would never go against it. I know that doing something like that not only would obliterate my reputation, but destroy any fibers of trust left in this family, which are close to nonexistent. You think you know who I am, but you haven't the faintest idea. The person you've known for the past 4 years wasn't me. That must have been someone else who stole my skin and corrupted my mind, because I can assure you, I am utterly different. I am not that person, and the fact that you still thing I am tells me that you don't care about me, or my life. It's bad enough that I can barely talk to you without being hassled and put down, but now this? Seriously, where have you BEEN for the past 4 years? Who do you think you are?
When I get older, I plan on raising a family. I would never let something so immoral as pre-marital sex get in the way of that. And to think you don't know that I am strong enough to let ANYONE know that, or that I don't have the power to resist it at all cost, makes me physically ill. You don't have to worry about me around any guys. I am strong enough in my faith and morals to keep out of trouble. I'm not rushing into anything, and I'm enjoying my commitment-free life right now. You're just getting in the way of that. You're getting in the way of MY life, and MY friends. So I suggest you pull your head out of wherever you have it stuffed, and start paying attention. I'm not that person, and I haven't been for years. YOU DON'T KNOW ME ANYMORE.
SO..... Another thing that bothers me is that she told my SISTER that she was worried about this. There has been something going on with her for a while, and nobody told me a <super> THING. But mom has the slightest mistaken feeling about me, and she goes blabbing it to everyone? WHAT? This just goes to show how little respect she has for me. It just kills me.
So on another note, My cousins spent a few days at our house this week! They left today. It was really fun for the most part, but there's something on my mind. My cousin J has been a little distant lately. I mean, he was always quiet, but as he started to look more and more like a senior in highschool, (He's 13, btw) He stopped hanging out with me and E, who have been friends with him since birth. It was a little weird, but he seems to be talking to me more, and we have been having fun lately. Things get awkward really quick though. J is awkward. He's one of the coolest guys I know, but he is just really awkward. It gets really frustrating sometimes, because I feel like I can't really be that close to him as a cousin and a friend because everything just feels forced. I just wish we still had the family relationship we used to, you know? Oh well, just wanted to get that out there.
Thanks for reading guys, you rock.