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Can I just RAAAAAGE.


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#1 Cheeky

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Posted 07 February 2012 - 08:03 PM

Hello! Right, I just need to kind of get this off of my chest.

At the moment, I'm living with my grandmother. I have been for about three months now. My parents and I haven't fallen out or anything, but they recently moved to a "retirement" caravan park, and if you're not over 40, you're not allowed to live there. As for me, I was supposed to move in with my brother, but that totally fell through, and now I'm here, with my grandmother.

She's a really sweet, precious old woman, and I'm really thankful that she's letting me stay here, and I love her to bits, but she's really starting to test my nerves.

It's a temporary arrangement, until I get a job or, even better, an apprenticeship, because then I can find someone to share a flat/house with and I can pay rent and whatever. And I am looking for a job, and I've signed up with an apprenticeship agency, and according to Jobcentre and the Young Peoples Service and everybody that I'm talking to, I'm doing everything right. I just have to keep on keeping on, because it's just a matter of time until I get some employment. And that's fine. I'm pretty patient and I know how it goes and I can persevere.

The problem is that right now, my grandmother is being really condescending about it. I've told her that I'm doing everything correctly, but she consistently drops comments like "If only you could get a job," or "He'd be a lot better off if he were actually working." Or, when I told her that it was only a temporary arrangement, just until I find work, she said, "Yeah right, like that's ever going to happen." And she keeps asking me, "So, do you have a job yet?" And I'm just like, GAAAAAAAH. STOP IT.

And it isn't only that. I understand that this is her house, and things absolutely need to be done her way, but last weekend, while I was attending a doctor's appointment in London, she decided that she was going to switch the drawers in the back bedroom, where I'm currently staying. So, while I was away, she took all of my personal belongings out of the drawers and moved them to another set of drawers. And to me, that's kind of rude. She didn't even ask, and there she was, handling all of my stuff. Not to mention, she likes to move my backpacks and my duffel bags, also full of stuff, without telling me about it. On top of that, I'm not allowed to do my own laundry, I wasn't (until recently) allowed to cook my own meals, she tries to tell me what clothes I can and cannot wear (for example, I have a lot of button-ups, which are my favourite things to wear, but she thinks that I should "save them for something nice" and she makes a huge fuss when I wear them), and she tries to stop me going out after dark OR if the weather's bad. For a while, the sun was setting here at 4pm, and she didn't like me going out after then. I did go out at 9pm once, to a sort of class, and she didn't talk to me for three days. And I live in England. The weather is always bad.

I feel like she's treating me as if I'm twelve, but I'm "an adult". I had a lot of independence when I was living with my parents. I was able to clean up after myself and I made my own food every day and I had space to breathe and I didn't have to ask if I could go somewhere or do something (of course, I told them where I was going). And, when I was working, I often worked until well after midnight when I was living there.

And I guess I do feel a bit childish complaining, but I just feel so restricted here. :( Bleeeeeh.

Edited by Cheeky, 08 February 2012 - 12:44 AM.





#2 Lillias

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Posted 07 February 2012 - 11:37 PM

I feel your pain, lol. I don't have it quite that bad, but I used to have my own place, so moving back with family is awkward. I've traveled overseas alone. I think I can make it to the grocery store on my own. And I'm supposed to be finishing up school, but I keep on getting "why don't you work at ____?" comments. Do you want me to graduate or get a job because I can quit now, but I can't do both (never mind that I already have a small job and backed off from working more because of health reasons)? It would be great if everyone stopped trying to set me up or asking why I don't have a boyfriend. Ugh. I miss having my own space.

#3 Cheeky

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 12:52 AM

Ahh, well at least all my complaining is understandable! I'm sorry you're kind of in this situation too. I've travelled overseas alone as well, and I've gone on trips with my friends, and now, I'm not even allowed to go to town if the sun has set.


I don't need much, but I do need to be able to breathe.

Also, I hate it when people try to set you up! It's awkward and annoying. It hasn't happened in quite a while to me, but I'm just like "NO. go awaaaay."

#4 tinypixie

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 02:35 AM

Ugh that has got to be hard. I'm sure you are finding clever ways around it, but luckily this is only temporary. I wonder if one of your parents can tell her to lay off a bit?

#5 PinkPumpkinGirl

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 02:48 AM

It's a temporary arrangement, until I get a job or, even better, an apprenticeship, because then I can find someone to share a flat/house with and I can pay rent and whatever. And I am looking for a job, and I've signed up with an apprenticeship agency, and according to Jobcentre and the Young Peoples Service and everybody that I'm talking to, I'm doing everything right. I just have to keep on keeping on, because it's just a matter of time until I get some employment. And that's fine. I'm pretty patient and I know how it goes and I can persevere.

It sounds like your doing everything right to me. And if you continue to keep on doing it then your right, you should get employed. I really do wish you luck since my boyfriend had been looking for 3 months now. But your doing a lot better than him. :)

The problem is that right now, my grandmother is being really condescending about it. I've told her that I'm doing everything correctly, but she consistently drops comments like "If only you could get a job," or "He'd be a lot better off if he were actually working." Or, when I told her that it was only a temporary arrangement, just until I find work, she said, "Yeah right, like that's ever going to happen." And she keeps asking me, "So, do you have a job yet?" And I'm just like, GAAAAAAAH. STOP IT.

About the comments, my parents have been nagging on me and nagging on me like this about how my boyfriend is currently unemployed. Does your grandmother work? If so she might be jealous that she's the only one having to work and she supporting you. I get scared supporting my family by myself when my bf is perfectly capable to work, he just hasn't found gotten hired yet. Luckily my parents never got annoyed at the cost of raising me.

And it isn't only that. I understand that this is her house, and things absolutely need to be done her way, but last weekend, while I was attending a doctor's appointment in London, she decided that she was going to switch the drawers in the back bedroom, where I'm currently staying. So, while I was away, she took all of my personal belongings out of the drawers and moved them to another set of drawers. And to me, that's kind of rude. She didn't even ask, and there she was, handling all of my stuff. Not to mention, she likes to move my backpacks and my duffel bags, also full of stuff, without telling me about it.


On this one, that was rude and disrespectful. I have stayed with a few people other than my family and they never went through my stuff. Well my biological father's daughter ( NOT MY SISTER!) went though my stuff but she's like 3.

On top of that, I'm not allowed to do my own laundry, I wasn't (until recently) allowed to cook my own meals, she tries to tell me what clothes I can and cannot wear (for example, I have a lot of button-ups, which are my favourite things to wear, but she thinks that I should "save them for something nice" and she makes a huge fuss when I wear them), and she tries to stop me going out after dark OR if the weather's bad. For a while, the sun was setting here at 4pm, and she didn't like me going out after then. I did go out at 9pm once, to a sort of class, and she didn't talk to me for three days. And I live in England. The weather is always bad.

I don't see why you can't do your own laundry. That just sounds silly and choosing your own clothes? What are you, like 2? Really?



#6 Lucas

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 04:02 AM

Ahhhcccck.
I don't think you sound childish at all, my friend. I think your problem is completely understandable. I think you're right though, she's probably getting herself all knot up because it is her house, but at the same time, you're family, AND you're trying to get a job and do what you want with your life. It's not like you're sitting there doing nothing, you've applied, now you're waiting for the authorities to take their initiative. That has nothing to do with you; it'll come with time.

As for how you could go about handling it, I cannot say. I think it's silly how she won't let you make your own food or go out after dark, LOL you're obviously old enough and probably have no previous issues to lose her trust. Sooo, I say that's unfair on many levels. But, hopefully you'll be out there soon!

Good luck with all of your goals, though. I hope it all really works out for you. I have said it a dfjhdslkfhdslkjfmillion times, but I really look up to you I think you're awesome, and I really wish we were closer so we could be like, BFFs. :cheeky:

Just keep your chin up man! You've got a lot going for you!

#7 Cheeky

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 05:33 AM

I do complain to my mum sometimes, and she tells me that it's just her age. She does understand where I'm coming from, though. As for whether or not she works, she doesn't. She's a pensioner.

I think I just need to find things to do to distance myself and give myself some space from her and this house. I'm a little worried though, because I'm going to be starting some medication soon, and it's going to basically raise my testosterone levels, and I know that that can shorten tempers and cause aggressive behaviour, and if I'm already getting a little frustrated now... The last thing that I want to do is completely lose my head and yell at her or something. So, I'll definitely need some physical space, if not now, then in the very near future. I already get out of the house a lot, but without money or something to do, it's hard to stay out.

JORDYN, we'd totally be the best of buddies. <3 And PinkPumpkingirl! Thank you. I used to live in the States, and I found it incredibly difficult to get a job over there. At least in England, there are services (ie, Jobcentre) that you can go to and ask for assistance in finding a job. It's rough out there, but I hope your boyfriend finds a job soon too!

#8 PinkPumpkinGirl

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 06:35 AM

And PinkPumpkingirl! Thank you. I used to live in the States, and I found it incredibly difficult to get a job over there. At least in England, there are services (ie, Jobcentre) that you can go to and ask for assistance in finding a job. It's rough out there, but I hope your boyfriend finds a job soon too!

You welcome! I love helping people. I don't understand how hard it is to get a job yet because I filled out one application and got called 2 days later and got hired at the interview. He's been to an interview at my job place and they said they'd call him if they need him and that was a month ago. He just keeps filling out more. Hopefully something will come up. I know of a place here where you can fill out an app and they find a job for you. Also I recently got state benefits (got approval notice today) and they also have a program that helps you find jobs. Thanks for hoping he gets one tho! We haven't given up hope yet. :) Goodluck to you! :D

#9 Cheeky

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Posted 08 February 2012 - 06:41 AM

Oh, well that's good! :) It took me a couple of months to get my job in the States, but I had to do it completely on my own. It's good that you're getting some assistance!

#10 Lillias

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Posted 09 February 2012 - 11:36 AM

Ahh, well at least all my complaining is understandable! I'm sorry you're kind of in this situation too. I've travelled overseas alone as well, and I've gone on trips with my friends, and now, I'm not even allowed to go to town if the sun has set.


I don't need much, but I do need to be able to breathe.

Also, I hate it when people try to set you up! It's awkward and annoying. It hasn't happened in quite a while to me, but I'm just like "NO. go awaaaay."



I walked to the grocery store just after the sun set once, and my mother suddenly decided she needed to buy something and came to pick me up. It was clearly a pretense to keep me from walking home in the dark. If she actually needed something, she could call my cell and asked me to get it while I was there. :rolleyes: It's not like I was always in by sunset when I had my own place.

I wouldn't mind the trying to set me up if there was actually some consideration to interests and temperament. Instead it's just every single "nice young man" they know of. As if I don't have enough "nice young men" hanging around. At least some attempt at compatibility would be nice.

I lived with my grandparents for awhile when I was 18. My laundry was done while I was at work. I've been doing my laundry since I was 12. It's weird having someone else go through your clothes...

Being able to breathe would be nice.