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A badly written story by me~

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#1 Plushie


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Posted 17 March 2009 - 06:28 AM

I can't write to save my life but, well, I was bored, and I felt like writing a Warriors style story but with different animals (I already RP with Warriors, you'd think I'd be sick of them by now? :laughing:) It's to be continued of course.
Criticism is be encouraged! :3
Also, does anyone know why when I type in a quotation mark, it turns into some alt?
Alsoooo, I'm copying and pasting from Microsoft word, which doesn't automatically add the italic tags for BBCode. I tried fizing some of it but I may have missed some parts.


“Mother! I’m hungry!” Fenris shouted out at Accalia, though his stubby legs and squeaky voice did not reach his mother as he had hoped.
“Shut up!” Toralu, his littermate, growled at the smaller gray wolf pup.
“That’s right, hurry up,” Kiyiya said as she trotted alongside Toralu. “Or we’ll leave you behind!” It’s not as if the two didn’t care about their weaker brother. They just liked teasing him.
“Eek!” the dark gray Fenris squeaked as Toralu nipped at his heels, urging him to go faster.
“Now, what’s going on there?” Minsi caught up to them from behind. “Stop being mean to your brother,” she scolded lightly at Kiyiya and Toralu.
“You’re not my mother!” sneered Toralu.
The pack stopped abruptly. “I smell something,” Edon said at the head of the pack. “Stay here.” He dashed away from the pack, looking for a possible meal.
The pups yelped to get their mother’s attention. “Hush now,” she whispered, touching each pup on the head with a paw before glancing up at the running wolf. It wasn’t just Fenris; it had been hard to find food now that winter was approaching.
A howl came from far away. “That’s Daddy!” Kiyiya yipped, and started chasing her tail. She had neither the time nor energy to do so, and quickly tired out, lying on her side and panting.
“Yes, that’s Daddy,” Accalia confirmed, and turned to the rest of the pack. “Edon found something. He’ll be waiting for us.”


“Fenris! Wait up!” Toralu, despite his bulky build, was much slower than his brother. He surged ahead and tackled Fenris, toppling over into Kiyiya as well.
“Pups! Now is not the time to play!” Accalia was growing impatient, but sighed in relief as she spotted the black pelt of Edon. “There you are!”
“It’s about time you guys arrived,” woofed Edon. “That thing is half dead as it is; you took so long.” The pack could take their time: the stag had a bloodied hind leg and was trying to limp away.
“I wanna kill it! I wanna kill it!” Toralu ran ahead without waiting for permission and got a strong kick in the stomach. That elk had more fight than the young pup had estimated. “Owww,” he whined.
“Idiot,” a dark gray male with amber eyes—Rafe—murmured under his breath. Beside him, Accalia ran forward, leapt, and grabbed into the elk’s neck. Red trickled down, then was flung everywhere as the elk tried shaking the tan brown wolf off. Cailean joined in, and appeared to be having a fun time as he tried ripping a leg off the poor stag.
Accalia growled and jerked her head down, snapping the neck of the elk for the last time. It fell to the floor with a thud, and dirt and dust rose around it. Accalia emerged from the mess with a red muzzle, and said dryly, “I think it’s dead.”
Kiyiya ran forward with a woof of joy and immediately started feasting. This was the pups’ first time eating elk. “I liked rabbit better, Mother,” said Fenris as he gulped down a slimy chunk of elk.
“That’s only because they’re small and easy to catch, like you,” Toralu commented nastily.
“Well, at least I’m not stupid enough to run toward a mad elk and get myself almost killed.” Fenris’ leg slipped out and prodded Toralu in the stomach.
“Mother! He kicked me!” Toralu curled into a ball, obviously faking it, but his mom bought it all the same.
“Fenris, be nicer to your brother!” Accalia snorted in disapproval.
“Yes, mother.”
Bardou stared hungrily at the dead elk. “You’re not gonna eat that, are you, pup?” he asked slyly as he eyed the piece of meat that Toralu had dropped in the tussle. His dark brown eyes gleamed hungrily, and he was about to take a bite, when Edon snapped, “Bardou! Omegas eat last! Get back on watch!” Grumbling in protest, Bardou turned his dark brown fur on the pack and scanned the fields lazily. Nothing is going to come, he thought.
Something came.


“Daddy! What’s that?!” Kiyiya spotted a great lump of brown charging toward them.
Edon turned his head. “That…” Expecting nothing more than a strangely twisted tree or a peculiar shadow, he was surprised when he was bowled over by the bulk of a grizzly. The other wolves scattered.
Without even attempting to fight back, he crawled from under the grizzly and ran for his life. He caught up with Accalia, who had crawled into a sheltered cave along with her three pups and Ayame. Ayame’s light gray fur was damp with red but she acted like nothing had happened, her amber eyes darting at the front of the cave, making sure nothing else was here.
She was the first to see Edon, as the Accalia and her pups had sheltered inside the cave. “Edon is back!” She jumped up to greet the alpha male.
Accalia emerged from the cave, the three pups giving yelps of protest as her warm body left them. She quickly nuzzled her mate and quickly checked to see if any harm had befell him. “Well, it seems like you’re fine, unlike poor Ayame here.”
Night was falling, but that didn’t stop the three pups from crawling out to greet their father and inspect their surroundings.
“I told you three to stay inside!” Ayame nudged them back in with her nose.
“But Ayameeeee…” the pups whined.
“No exceptions. Your mother told me to make sure you stay inside, where it’s nice and cozy.” She winked and added softly, “I’d let you out if I could, though.”
Accalia pretended not to hear that last part and went into the cave. “Come on,” she said, her eyelids heavy, “we can talk later.”
They slept.


Fenris opened his eyes drowsily, shaking the sleep out of his head and parting his jaws in a huge yawn. His brother and sister woke alongside him. It was scarcely dawn; perhaps a peek of sunlight could be seen through the rough hills, but at the same time the three didn’t feel like falling asleep again.
Toralu, in all rudeness, leapt onto his father. “Rawr! I’ve gotten a rabbit, look!” Instead of biting into it, however, he buried his nose into his dad’s thick, dark fur.
“Go away,” the wolf mumbled, lifting his head and finding him eye-to-eye with a rambunctious pup. He got onto his paws, Toralu tumbling onto the ground, and pinned him to the ground. “Who’s the rabbit now?” he barked with a glint in his eye, and cuffed the pup playfully on the ear before releasing him.
“What’s all this noise?” Ayame said, coming over to the pups that were now rolling around on the floor.
“They’re always like this,” Accalia muttered. “You can never get a good night’s sleep with these three around.”
“It’s not night anymore, Mother!” Kiyiya teased. “See, the sun is coming up.”
“Night or day, whatever.” Grumbling, Accalia stood up, leaning against the wall as she tried to wake herself up.
Fenris spoke up just as the three older wolves were about to fall asleep again. “Father, where are the others?”
“Somewhere out there.” Edon sighed.


Bardou growled. Useless mutts, he thought to himself, glaring at Minsi, Rafe, and Cailean.
“Wake up!” he snapped at them. He clawed at Cailean’s face, producing a satisfying yelp that also woke up Rafe and Minsi.
“What was that for?!” Cailean demanded at Bardou.
“Because you three are useless lumps of fur who don’t know how to alert the pack when a grizzly is coming!” His eyes flashed.
He’s just hungry, thought Minsi desperately, he’s not thinking right.
Rafe thought otherwise. “Omegas are supposed to—” Rafe was cut off by another growl.
“I don’t care that I’m an omega! What matters is that I’m here and I’m in charge!” He pushed his nose up to the other wolf’s, hissing, his breath tangy and hot, “Do you have a problem with that?”
“No, sir.” Rafe gulped, throwing his courage onto the floor and covering it with dirt.
“Good.” The dark brown wolf turned his back on the two and started thinking. “And don’t you even think of getting away from me,” he snarled under his breath, just enough for the group to hear.
Yes. He would get revenge. Revenge on those nasty alphas, those greedy wolves, who always made him eat last, the only omega, the punch bag, the chew toy. Those pups don’t look like they’ll taste bad, no, not at all. He could almost hear their screams, taste the salty blood, spilling on the floor, a fountain of red fear.

Edited by Plushie, 17 March 2009 - 07:31 AM.

#2 Rachiella


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Posted 17 March 2009 - 06:36 AM

Oooooh I like it! Good job! :D I can't think of any criticism just now. xD