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A story well dairy.


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#1 xHamster_Pawsx

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Posted 03 January 2009 - 01:39 AM

Okay i wrote this by myself

It was a cold rainy day, As any other day, Kelly was writing her diary. she dint no how to start it off,
on the first bit off paper, she put dear diary, im then she ripped it out and sat chewing her pen. She then finally firgured how to write it when she got called to the top off the stairs
"Kelly Kelly."
"yes mum she said grumply"
" its your birthday tomorro"
"yeah i know"
"well what do you want"
[kelly thought for a bit the only thing she wanted in life was a hamster, she knew very well her dad dint allow any kind off animal]
"well you know what ive always wanted a hamster"
"you know the rules kelly. no pets allowed."
later that day, kelly dint no what her mum would off brought her, she began to feel tired.
She slept threw the night. and woke up to a 13th birhtday banner on her door, she went downstairs and saw a pets at home bag..
"huh why would i need a pets at home bag?"
She looked inside and saw bedding and a waterbottel
she looked towards the fireplace, infront off it was a cage, and something inside.
her mum was watching her go to it " i got you what you wanted"
when kelly looked inside. she saw a syrian, a grey hamster.
she was speechless she said "thanks to her mum" and then she knew that mums cant always be annoying..


[well please comment.]




#2 Hamster Feet

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Posted 04 January 2009 - 05:21 AM

Aww, that's very sweet. I enjoyed reading that.

However, you really need to watch your spelling and grammar (yes, I'm a grammar freak!).

Try not to shorten words or change them. "Dint" should be "didn't" and "off" should be "of" a lot of the time.
Also, make sure that only the bits where they're actually speaking are in speech marks. Such as:

'"Yes Mum," she said grumpily.'

'She said, "Thanks!" to her mum, and then she knew that mums can't always be annoying...'