[The Hawk]

In school the sixth graders were asigned to write a short story, with at least 500 words, only one main problem, and a climax. I started to write about my hamster, but it got way too long and there were multiple problems, so I made a short version out of just a part of it. I am still working on the one that is long. Here is the short one:

Charlie's Escape
By: The Hawk

One night Sir Charles Valentino (I’ll just call him Charlie for short) the hamster woke up, rubbed his tired eyes, and thought to himself, “Tonight, I think I would like to go on an adventure.” So, he then climbed out of his cozy burrow of soft fluffy bedding, up one ramp of his cage to the second level where his wheel was, up another ramp to the third level, to get a drink, and pack his cheeks up with food, and finally to the fourth level. There, at the fourth and highest level of his cage, he went to the corner and squeezed his way out through the wire cage, tumbling down on to the table on which his cage sat. He was finally out.

When out of his cage, and on the table, he decided where he wanted to go. He had heard his owner talking about someone that he knew, who just got a new female Syrian hamster named Lavender, whom he had really wanted to meet. He already knew two male Russian Campbell Dwarf (RCD) hamsters, named Sir Walter and Chester that belonged to the same owner. All he needed to do was get out of the house, and the rest was easy. He then jumped off of the table, and scurried under his owner’s bed, and through his room, making his way to the living room of his owner’s house. When he was in the living room, he started towards the kitchen, at a medium pace. He was almost in the kitchen, when he heard a quiet, sneaky sounding footstep. He looked around, and saw nothing, but started to walk a bit faster. He then heard the noise again he looked around once more, but this time he saw two bright orange eyes staring down at him from a stairway. Charlie became engulfed in fear. Those eyes belonged to a cat!

After a few moments of staring at those big scary eyes, Charlie finally started to get over his fear, and tried talking to the cat. He said, “Nice kitty, good kitty, you don’t really want to eat me.”

“That is not necessarily true. I haven’t eaten any fresh meat in a long time. All I ever get around here is that disgusting, cardboard tasting garbage from the box, or that horrible mushy gunk from the little can with the fluffy white cat on it.”

“Yes, yes, I know, but you really don’t want to eat me. Right ol’ chap? I don’t taste good at all. I fact, I probably taste horrible. Besides, you know that our owners will find out if you ate me. They would kick your mange covered, disgusting self out of the house!”

“You and I both know that our owners are away for the weekend! They wouldn’t think that I ate you. They would think that you crawled in a hole somewhere like the vile little rodent that you are!” (I don't mean anything against hamsters. Remember, this is coming from a very angry cat. I wanted to add some drama in the story.)

“I can’t believe you, you evil monstrous beast! Anyway, if I was so vile then why would you want to eat me?”

“You know, you are really making me mad! You are going to make a delicious dinner! Any last words?”

“You’ll never get me, slowpoke!”

“You’ve breathed your last breath!”

The cat then licked his lips, exposed his sharp pointy teeth, and pounced, just missing Charlie by an inch. Charlie then started running for his life across the kitchen, and into a corner. He was trapped.

Charlie hid behind the cat’s water bowl, which sat in the corner, hoping that the cat would not see him, but the cat’s eyes were far too good. The cat then pounced again, hitting the water bowl, with enough time for Charlie to escape, as it slid into the wall. The impact of the bowl on the wall, caused a mug that was hanging on a hook, to fall into the bowl, splashing water into the cat’s eyes, blinding him for a couple of seconds, giving Charlie enough time to escape through a hole in the door that led to the basement.

When Charlie was finally away from the horrifying terror of the cat, and in the safe, dark, cool basement he was relieved. He then scurried across the hard cement floor, and into a workshop filled with tools, and machines of all sorts. He had never seen such strange things in his whole life! He then noticed a small board of wood that led up to a work-bench that was leaning against a window, so he ran up it, and across the work-bench, and finally to the window. When at the window he used his sharp teeth to chew his way through the screen to the outside world. He was finally out of the house, and on his way to visit his hamster friends.

The end (of the short version)

How do you like it?

[scabbers]

Great Story!

Just to let everyone else know I am the owner of Lavender. Sir Walter and Chester. Don't the names just seem to be like Sir Kibble and Cloak? Lavender is really Chocola. Lavender actually passed away a few years ago.
Hope I didn't reveal anything...

Will you be pasting the extended version you were telling me about? Or are you going to put us all in wonder and suspense about the whole, End Of Short Version thing?

This post has been edited by scabbers: 28 May 2004 - 09:08 AM

[The Hawk]

I do plan on posting the full version, once it is done. No, you didn't reveal anything. Thanks for the compliment.

[dusty]

it's a great story and very written!
wow, it seems that HH has several members who are good writers!
keep up the good work!

[wiffy]

scabbers, on May 28 2004, 09:07 AM, said:

Great Story!

Just to let everyone else know I am the owner of Lavender. Sir Walter and Chester. Don't the names just seem to be like Sir Kibble and Cloak? Lavender is really Chocola.

yes scabbers, when I was reading the Hawk's story, I told myself that the female friend is you, and the mentioned hamsters must be yours too (without looking at your post)

I must say I am impressed with the story... very exciting and engaging! This could be an intro chapter of a bigger novel... I look forward to reading the "extended edition", once it's ready!!!

[The Hawk]

The "extended version" is almost ready. I have written about ten pages so far. I plan for it to be about 15 pages. In the extended version there are more characters too. So far there is a crow, and plan on adding some more cats.

[Bunny Lover]

Great Job Hawk! That was great. I could tell right away that the hamster was yours and the other 3 hamsters were scabbers! Can't wait to here the rest of the story! You are doing great!

[cow32323]

Not to bad I had a good read

mei

[Emmaluvspippen]

yea! i had a great time reading t too! please don't leave us n suspence!

[scabbers]

I won't be in much suspense... Hehehe... I know what happens next! I was told awhile ago. I don't want to give much away...

The Hawk will be away for the next few days of so. So he might not get round to posting the next parts.. All I can tell you is to wait, and just think of what happens next...

Okay. I will give a few, very undetailed, events from what I've heard. I don't want Hawk getting mad at me..
1) After Charlie escapes from the house, he gets to my house. Hmm. What happens on the way there?
2) Does Charlie get into my house, or does he get stuck on the way to bedroom window? Not being able to get in maybe?

You'll all have to wait! As soon as Hawk gets back, I'll tell him to post what comes next in the story!

[The Hawk]

Hi guys, sorry for the huge delay. I kept on putting off finishing my story, because I couldn't think of what to write next, but then I just ended it a bit short with less action then I planned. Here it is. Enjoy.

One night Sir Charles Valentino (I’ll just call him Charlie for short) the hamster woke up, rubbed his tired eyes, and thought to himself, “Tonight, I think I would like to go on an adventure.” So, he then climbed out of his cozy burrow of soft fluffy bedding, up one ramp of his cage to the second level where his wheel was, up another ramp to the third level, to get a drink, and pack his cheeks up with food, and finally to the fourth level. There, at the fourth and highest level of his cage, he went to the corner and squeezed his way out through the wire cage, tumbling down on to the table on which his cage sat. He was finally out.

When out of his cage, and on the table, he decided where he wanted to go. He had heard his owner talking about someone that he knew, who just got a new female Syrian hamster named Lavender, whom he had really wanted to meet. He already knew two male Russian Campbell Dwarf (RCD) hamsters, named Sir Walter and Chester that belonged to the same owner. All he needed to do was get out of the house, and the rest was easy. He then jumped off of the table, and scurried under his owner’s bed, and through his room, making his way to the living room of his owner’s house. When he was in the living room, he started towards the kitchen, at a medium pace. He was almost in the kitchen, when he heard a quiet, sneaky sounding footstep. He looked around, and saw nothing, but started to walk a bit faster. He then heard the noise again he looked around once more, but this time he saw two bright orange eyes staring down at him from a stairway. Charlie became engulfed in fear. Those eyes belonged to a cat! After a few moments of staring at those big scary eyes, Charlie finally started to get over his fear, and tried talking to the cat. He said, “Nice kitty, good kitty, you don’t really want to eat me.”

“That is not necessarily true. I haven’t eaten any fresh meat in a long time. All I ever get around here is that disgusting, cardboard tasting garbage from the box, or that horrible mushy gunk from the little can with the fluffy white cat on it.”

“Yes, yes, I know, but you really don’t want to eat me. Right ol’ chap? I don’t taste good at all. I fact, I probably taste horrible. Besides, you know that our owners will find out if you ate me. They would kick your mange covered, disgusting self out of the house!”

“You and I both know that our owners are away for the weekend! They wouldn’t think that I ate you. They would think that you crawled in a hole somewhere like the vile little rodent that you are!”

“I can’t believe you, you evil monstrous beast! Anyway, if I was so vile then why would you want to eat me?”

“You know, you are really making me mad! You are going to make a delicious dinner! Any last words?”

“You’ll never get me, slowpoke!”

“You’ve breathed your last breath!”

The cat then licked his lips, exposed his sharp pointy teeth, and pounced, just missing Charlie by an inch. Charlie then started running for his life across the kitchen, and into a corner. He was trapped.

Charlie hid behind the cat’s water bowl, which sat in the corner, hoping that the cat would not see him, but the cat’s eyes were far too good. The cat then pounced again, hitting the water bowl, with enough time for Charlie to escape, as it slid into the wall. The impact of the bowl on the wall, caused a mug that was hanging on a hook, to fall into the bowl, splashing water into the cat’s eyes, blinding him for a couple of seconds, giving Charlie enough time to escape through a hole in the door that led to the basement.

When Charlie was finally away from the horrifying terror of the cat, and in the safe, dark, cool basement he was relieved. He then scurried across the hard cement floor, and into a workshop filled with tools, and machines of all sorts. He had never seen such strange things in his whole life! He then noticed a small board of wood that led up to a work-bench that was leaning against a window, so he ran up it, and across the work-bench, and finally to the window. When at the window he used his sharp teeth to chew his way through the screen to the outside world. He was finally out of the house, and on his way to visit his hamster friends.


When he was outside, he ran to the front of the house, and under a fence, to outside of the yard. He then ran along the front of many houses, constantly sniffing with his wonderful sense of smell, towards where he smelt the hamsters that he was looking for. After walking for what seemed to be hours, he came to a house where the sweet smell of hamster was very strong. He walked up closer to the house, under a chain-link fence, through a bunch of trees, across a lawn, and up to the house. He then noticed a piece of fence nailed up to a wall that cucumbers were growing on. When he saw this, he started to climb up the fence, and over towards a window. When he got as close as he could to the window he was stumped. He did not see any possible way to get up on the window-sill.

After he climbed down, and waited for quite some time, he noticed a crow fly over head, and onto the fence, to feast upon the cucumbers. Charlie then shouted out to the crow, “Hey you, crow! Can you help me?”

“Who said that? Who are you? What do ya’ want? I don’t see nobody!”

“It is I, down here! I’m Charles, Sir Charles Valentino. I am a hamster who is desperately in need of your assistance. Will you help me ol’ chap?”

“I don’t get it! I don’t understand all of that fancy schmancy talkin’ of yours”

“Sorry ol’ chap, I’ll try to dumb it down a bit so that it would be more to your understanding. You see, I need your help. I am trying to go visit some friends, and hopefully make a new one. I just need to get up to that window there. Will you help me?”

“What have you ever done for me? Why should I be helpin’ you?”

“If you help me I will inform you of a location, in which you can acquire seeds that are quite delicious. Do we have a deal?”

“Huh?”

“What I mean is that I can tell you where to find some really yummy seeds if you help me get up to that window!”

“Okay. You could jump on ma’ back and I could fly you to that window. How’s that sound to you?”

“Okay then, you fly me up, I tell you where to find the seeds, and then you can be on your merry way.”

“Jump up and hold on tight!”

Charlie then climbed upon the back of the crow, and the crow flew him up to the window. Charlie told the crow where to find the seeds, and the crow flew off to find them. Again, Charlie made use of his teeth, and chewed his way through the screen of the window and into the house where he saw two hamster cages. He was now very close to where he was trying to go.

He then climbed down from the window, onto a bed, and jumped down onto the floor. Next, he scurried up to the cage of Sir Walter and Chester, climbed up it, and spoke in a loud whisper, “Pssssst!”

“Who goes there!”

“It is okay, Walter, it is only I, Charles”

“Ahhhh, yes. I have not seen you in quite some time”

“Yes, sorry about that. I was a bit busy, tidying up my home. By the way, where is Chester?”

“Chester is asleep at the moment, though I am not quite sure why. He sleeps at this hour often, although I find it quite absurd, as we hamsters are nocturnal.”

“Yes, yes, I do say that is rather odd. Would you please awaken him? He should get out of the habit of slumbering at such hours.”

“I will go awaken him right now”

Walter then went and awoke Chester, and Chester said, “What do you want, Walter, I wish to remain in a state of slumber. Just leave me be!”

“No, no, you can sleep later. Charles is here, and he wants to speak with us.”

“Charles? I have not seen him in a while.”

“Nor have I. Let us now go and speak with him at once.”

“Alright then.”

After Chester was fully awake he and Walter then went to see Charlie. Chester than began to speak, “We are both here now. Let us get to business. How may we help you?”

“I have heard about Lavender, and I want to meet her.”

“We will introduce you, but may I let you know, she is quite shy. Chester and I are the only ones she knows.”

“It does not matter weather or not she happens to be shy. In fact, I was rather shy myself when I first got out, and met up with some of the neighbors. It is just a phase she is going through. She will hopefully get over her shyness quite soon.”

“Alright then, we will take you to meet her at once.”

The three of them then started to scurry across the floor, when they saw three pairs of the same sort of creepy eyes that Charlie had seen once before on that same night. Suddenly, the eyes started to move towards them hypnotizing them with their strange glow. Again, Charlie felt that horrible feeling…that feeling of being suddenly frozen in time and in fear. It was three hamsters against three cats.

As the cats slowly crept closer, their eyes still glowing, the hamsters could start to make out the colors of the horrifying cats: On the left, was a grey and white cat, the smallest of them all. On the right was a black and white cat, a bit larger then the one on the left. In the middle was a huge orange and white cat. “He must be the leader,” Charlie slowly started to whisper.

“It is most likely so,” replied Walter.
“I also agree,” said Chester.

“What should we do,” said Charlie

“I think we should try to run somewhere where they can’t go,” replied Walter.

“Yes,” said Charlie, “but where?”

“I know,” said Chester, “the last time my owner let me run in my ball I saw a small space in between Lavender’s cage, and the wall.”

“That’s great,” said Charlie “let’s get out of here before those cats get us.”

After he said that, the three hamster spun around, and dashed over behind Lavender’s cage, right before the cats could get them.

When they were there, and safe from the cats they started to gnaw at Lavender’s cage until they made a whole in it. The two RCDs fit through it just fine, but Charlie just made it through without getting stuck.

They then walked over to Lavender, and the RCDs introduced Charlie. After a few hours the all became very good friends.

Then when the sun was just rising Charlie had to leave.

“It is getting early; my owner will wake up and be worried if I am not home.”

“Goodbye Charlie.” Said Chester

“Bye mate.” Sir Walter said sadly

“Goodbye” said Lavender, very sad that he had to leave.

“Goodbye,” said Charlie “Don’t worry, I will always come back to visit my old friends…….and my new one.”

[The Hawk]

I guess nobody is going to read my story

[monkeysmom]

I like your story Hawk. It is very good. Those mean 'ol cats! How dare they scare our poor hamsters! LOL

Keep up the writing! I love to write and always appreciate the stories of others. Perhaps one day I will post one of mine, but they aren't hamster related.

Good job! A gold star for you!

[The Hawk]

Thanks MM I am glad to see that someone likes my story. I will try to think of more.

[Panther_Shadow83]

POST MORE!!! Wow, I really liked that story!!! Please try to write more!! It should win an award!! Lol!